Well Hello

Well Hello is the twelfth episode of Recreation.

Plot
The episode starts in Valhalla where Donut is busy cleaning up Blue Base in anticipation of Simmons' plan to destroy it. He doesn't notice as a white armored soldier approaches behind him, who turns out to be The Meta. However, since Donut was not present during the events of Reconstruction, he does not know who he is and instead mistakes him for a Blue replacement soldier. Donut tries to socialize with it, but narrowly avoids being killed by dumb luck. Simmons eventually comes looking for his teammate but immediately runs away when he sees that the Meta has arrived. Back at Sandtrap, several of C.T.'s men surround Caboose at gunpoint, accusing him of sabotaging the vehicles. Caboose merely replies that he was looking for a home for Epsilon and when C.T.'s men catch a glimpse of the A.I. unit, they demand to know what it is. Suddenly the temple door is opened; fire-fight breaks between C.T.'s men and an unknown enemy. Grif attempts to avoid the fire-fight by escaping in the Elephant, but fails to do so. Eventually Tucker emerges, wielding his energy sword and calling for the Red and Blue Team mates to enter the temple.

Characters

 * List of characters in Red vs. Blue

Red Team

 * Sarge
 * Grif
 * Simmons
 * Donut
 * Lopez (mentioned only)

Blue Team

 * Caboose
 * Tucker

Others

 * C.T.
 * Smith
 * The Meta

Transcript
Donut is running around cleaning the Blue Base, humming and singing to himself.

Donut: Man, Caboose sure can make a mess for just one person. Although, I guess he was trying to make another person, which technically would make this a mess for two people. I think Caboose would be a great dad. I wonder if I should have a kid? I never really thought I wanted one. (Screen shows behind Donut, with someone in white armor walking into the room and behind Donut) But as I get older, I start to think something is missing. Aw, I hope I didn't wait too long. I've been so focused on my career and having a good time, maybe it's too late for me! Oh great, now I sound like my mother!

Donut turns around and notices the person behind him.

Donut: Oh, hi there! You scared me! I didn't know anyone was over here at Blue Base.

The other doesn’t reply.

Donut: Strong silent type, huh? That's cool. Don't mind me, I'm just keeping the base a little tidy.

The other still says nothing.

Donut: Yeah, a clean base is a deadly base. That's what Sarge always says. Sarge is our commander. You'll get a sarge over here I'm sure, but he won't be like our Sarge; he'll be Blue!

Screen turns slowly, eventually revealing the person as The Meta, who growls at Donut.

Donut: Man, the rest of the guys will be so happy to have someone to fight. They’re gonna be so relieved to see you! What did you say your name was?

The Meta growls again.

Donut: Hm. Foreign, huh? Love the accent. Really works for you. (The Meta pulls out a pistol and aims it at Donut’s head.) I should probably move this…

''Donut ducks in time to dude the Meta’s shot. He gets back up.''

Donut: Aw, don’t worry buddy! I already checked their weapons. All good. But thanks for helpin’!

''The Meta growls again, puts away his pistol, and takes back out his Brute Shot. Donut turns back around and attempts to lift the body beside him.''

Donut: Ugh! This thing’s heavy! Maybe if I grab the legs…

Donut moves to the side and obliviously avoids the Meta’s strike, which conveniently knocks the body to the walls.

Donut: Well! That was helpful, thanks! Where’d you get that kickass broom?

''The Meta approaches Donut, growling. There are motor noises emitting from outside the base.''

Donut: Uh… do you hear that?

Simmons (from outside): Hey, Donut! Are you in there? Lopez built you a motorcycle! (The motor noises cease.) It’s broken.

Donut: Hey! Yeah, Simmons! I’m inside the Blue Base! Guess what? Blue Team got a new soldier!

Simmons: What? They sent another team member? (approaches the base’s entrance) Why would they do that? That doesn’t make any sense. OH, FUCK. (darts off) Welcometotheneighborhood, seeyoulater!

''Cuts to Sandtrap. Grif and Sarge are being ordered by C.T..''

Soldier: Come on, move!

Grif: All right already! We’re moving! Don’t boss me!

They arrive by Caboose, who is surrounded by C.T.’s soldiers.

C.T.: Hey. What’s going on up here?

Smith: Blrghh? Rrhgh.

C.T.: Sabotaging the digger, huh? I knew it! Who sent you here? What do they know about us?

Sarge: Dammit, Caboose! Why do you keep messing with the vehicles!?

Caboose: Oh! Yeah, I was just trying to find a home for Epsilon. No biggie.

C.T.: What? What is that thing?

''The desert rumbles. Smith glances around, confused. The faraway temple’s door slides open.''

C.T.: Shit! He’s opening the temple! Dammit! Are you with him!?

Grif: With who??

C.T.: Aw, crap! He’s down there! Kill them if you have to and don’t let that door close again no matter what happens!

''The soldiers and aliens rush out towards the temple. Grif and Sarge head the opposite direction behind the Elephant.''

Sarge: Move it! Let’s move!

Grif: Let’s get the fuck out of here!

Some of the aliens and soldiers begin to fall.

C.T.: Smith! Smith!! Turret!

''Smith takes a turret. Caboose approaches the Elephant. Grif sneaks atop it.''

C.T.: Over there!! (runs in after his troops)

Grif: Hahaa, see ya, suckers! You just got yoinked!

''Smith, on the turrets, begins to shoot. Cuts back to Grif.''

Grif: ‘the fuck do you drive this thing?? Why are there only four levers if there are six directions!? Where the fuck is second gear?

''The Elephant begins to move, cutting in front of Smith. Sarge is trailing behind the Elephant.''

Sarge: Grif! If you need to run away in the middle of battle, at least have the decency to drive faster than I can run!

Grif: Is the emergency break on? I don’t see— (backs off of the controls; whips out gun) Man, fuck this, this is stupid!

''Smith continues to shoot. One of C.T.’s soldiers screams out, “No!” as a teal-colored blur rushes passed them. Grenades are tossed. Another soldier driving a Mongoose crashes. The driver hops out of the Mongoose.''

Soldier: Aw, fuck!

''He heads towards the chaos away from his crashed vehicle, only to get a grenade tossed to his head. Another grenade lands on Smith, which explodes and sends him flying. C.T. is shooting from behind a wall then retreats.''

C.T.: Cover me! Fall back!

''Cuts to Caboose, Sarge, and Grif fleeing the scene. They eventually halt and are greeted by a soldier in teal – Tucker.''

Tucker: Hey guys! Run to the temple! I’ll cover you, hurry!

Caboose: Oh—my—Tucker!! Is that you!?

Tucker: Yeah, of course it’s me! Now move!

The other three don’t move.

Caboose: [casually] So… where have you been?

An explosion goes off nearby Tucker.

Tucker: What is this, some kind of fucking reunion!? Move your asses, idiots! I’ll meet you over there!

''Tucker backs up and leaves the scene. Caboose, Sarge, and Grif finally move on.''

Sarge: What in Sam Hell was all that?

Grif: Who cares? Just move!

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