Standardized Testing

 is the sixteenth episode in Red vs. Blue: Revelation and the 169th episode overall. It was released on August 16, 2010.

Plot
After dispatching the guards by her lonesome, Tex and Epsilon-Church arrive at the Freelancer base. Church has another flash of Valhalla, and realizes he mixed the two locations up in his memories. Tex reveals that this was where Alpha was sent after the very first break in, which Tex herself led, and it was here more and more "tests" were run on him. Other AI were used in the torturing process of Alpha, with Omega and Gamma being used to create tests that Alpha would purposefully fail, driving him mad, and breaking him to the point he could not recognize anybody, not even Tex. When Church asks if she and the other Freelancers succeeded, Tex says no, and that she failed herself and Alpha.

At Sandtrap, Washington asks Doc if he can comment on the Meta's current condition. Doc only reiterates that the Meta has too many power-ups that he can't operate anymore due to the loss of his AI's.

At the Freelancer Offsite Storage Facility, Simmons finally installs Grif with one of the armor enhancements. This winds up being a super-speed ability, which, as Grif lacks an AI to manage the system, swiftly goes out of control and sends Grif into a wall. However the timer runs out as the episode ends and Grif, exhausted, takes a nap.

Red Team

 * Sarge
 * Grif
 * Simmons

Blue Team

 * Epsilon-Church
 * Tucker
 * Caboose
 * Tex

Other

 * Washington
 * The Meta
 * Doc
 * Alpha (Mentioned Only)
 * Omega (Mentioned Only)
 * Gamma (Mentioned Only)
 * Smith

Transcript
Three gunshots are heard, then Tex is seen standing over three dead bodies.

Epsilon: Wow. You took all those guys out at once? Was that really necessary?

Tex: Eh, they'll live.

Epsilon: No... They won't.

Tex: Oh. Yeah, I see your point. Come on, let's get inside.

Epsilon: Ok. Man... Those guys got fucked up... What? Wait a minute... Oh no...

Epsilon Church has a flashback of Tex walking into the base at Valhalla.

Epsilon: Tex, hold on a second!

Tex: What's wrong?

Epsilon: Um... Yeah... Don't know if I mentioned this before, but I've kind of had psychic visions about this place. Yeah, I thought it was Valhalla at first, but I guess it turns out it was here... Probably should have told you this earlier.

Tex: Yes, you should have told me this earlier.

Epsilon: Well I'm telling you now, does that count?

Tex: Do you think it counts?

Epsilon: Nah, probably not.

Tex: You're not psychic, genius. You're just remembering. You've been here before. We all were. This is where they moved Alpha. After a few of us Freelancers went rogue, we compared notes and pieced together what they were doing to him. I convinced them to come back. Break him out. The project moved him here to try to protect him, so that they could keep experimenting on him.

Epsilon: Woah... You were in charge of the break in?

Tex: I couldn't just let them destroy him. He was being tortured. The Director had even started to use some of the other AI against him. Think about that. Turning his own pieces against him? It's sick. Gamma and Omega would fabricate scenarios where he was designed to fail, and they made it seem like his failures were hurting all of the people he cared about. And there was nothing he could do about it. It drove him mad, broke him down even more.

Epsilon: But you came back. You saved him.

Tex: No... I didn't. It was too late. By the time I got to him, he was already long gone. I don't even think he recognized me. I failed... Only in my case, it really was my fault.

In the desert, the Meta is beating the corpses of the Aliens.

Washington: Doc, do you have a second?

Doc: I'm a prisoner, Wash. I have nothing but seconds.

Washington: Right, good point.

Doc: I mean, you don't even need to ask. You can just be like "hey, prisoner number one, come over here and talk to me, grrr I'm a Freelancer grrr."

Washington: OK, I get it.

Doc: Yeah, you really need to step up your hostage taking skills.

Washington: Stop lecturing me, or I will shoot you, and feed you to the Meta.

Doc: Does he eat people?

Washington: Do you really want to find out?

Doc: No. Maybe... If we used another person, sure. Sounds kind of interesting.

Washington: You've spent some time with him now. What's your diagnosis?

Doc: Of who? The Meta?

Washington: Yes! Pay attention to what's being said!

Doc: Testy... Based on what you've said, he's just underpowered. He has a bunch of equipment but he can't use it now.

Washington: That's because he lost all of his A.I.

Doc: Wow... If I had all these cool fighting gadgets and I couldn't use them, I'd be pretty mad.

Washington: Yeah...

Doc: What happens if he uses them without the help of the computer program?

Washington: Let's just put it this way: It ain't pretty.

At the other Freelancer facility, Simmons attaches some equipment to Grif's armor.

Grif: All hooked up?

Simmons: Yeah, installation was easy. Ready to turn it on?

Grif: Ready!

Simmons: Now listen. You don't have an AI, so nothing's going to help you make the calculations you need to use this thing. So just take it easy.

Grif: I was born to take it easy. Fire it up.

A beep, followed by a charging sound.

Simmons: Ok, it's on. Do you feel any different?

From this point on, Grif talks extremely fast.

Grif: No, kind of energetic, am I invisible? Huh? Am I? Am I- can you see me?

Simmons: Calm down. No. I can still see you. Try jumping.

Grif: Jump! I jumped! Did that work Simmons? I can do it again! Please, let me do it again. Want me to jump again? Watch, I'll do it again, I won't even stop. Let me jump! Let me jump! Let me jump! Why aren't you answering me when I talk with my mouth!?!

Simmons: Hmm.... Walk over there. I have a theory. This one is either super healing or super-

Grif: Woohoo!!! Wishung!!!

Grif runs off extremely fast.

Simmons: Speed.

Caboose and Tucker are talking in the next room.

Caboose: Yeah, so then Church said "I love you forever."

Tucker: That didn't happen.

Grif runs past

Grif: Hey Caboose!

Tucker: Whoa, what the hell was that?

Caboose: What was what? Long pause Hey Grif!

Sarge is in the next room over looking at a forklift.

Sarge: That is one fine piece of machinery.

Grif runs past.

Sarge: Huh. Why am I so angry all of a sudden?

Simmons: Slow down, slow down! Grif, slow down!

Grif: Yeeeeeha- OW!

Grif runs straight into the wall.

Simmons: Hey, asshole. Are you dead?

Grif: Ow, whoa Simmons did you see that? Did you see? I saw it! I saw it, totally! Did you see? I hit that wall! That was fast! Man that was super fast! I'm so fast! God, so fast! Why is it so hot in here?

Simmons: Grif! Calm down!

Grif: I'm calm! I'm totally calm? Why don't you be calm? Why would you say to be calm when you know I'm already calm? Isn't it obvious that I'm calm? That doesn't even make any sense! You should make some sense! Why is it so hot in here?

Sarge: What in Sam Hell is all the racket?

Grif: Hey Sarge! What's up Sarge! Simmons is doing some experiments and I'm helping him Sarge! Right now we're doing one where everyone talks slow and the lights are super bright and I can smell clouds and man is it so hot in here!

Simmons: We installed a speed unit on Grif and it's sort of... Malfunctioning right now.

Sarge: Well turn him off!

Simmons: I can't! They run on timers! We're just going to have to wait it out.

Sarge: How long?

Grif: How long? What's long? I like long stuff! I knew a giraffe once, I think it was in a book. A giraffe book. The book wasn't long, but the giraffe totally was. Because of the neck, you know. You know what I mean? Do you? Do you? The part that connects Grif slows down the head to... the... body... I'm gonna go to sleep now...

Grif collapses.

Trivia

 * Epsilon's armor colour is sapphire instead of cobalt while on Avalanche.