Red vs. Blue: Relocated Part Two

Part Two of Red vs. Blue: Relocated

Plot
Simmons confronts Caboose about why Blue Base's power is online, and (unsurprisingly) doesn't get an intelligent answer. When Simmons returns with the news, he points out the tall ladder that Grif could have used to get to the top of the Red Base.

Characters

 * List of characters in Red vs. Blue

Red Team

 * Simmons
 * Sarge
 * Grif

Blue Team

 * Caboose

Transcript
Fade in to Simmons running up a cliff to look at Blue Base

Radio sounds

Simmons: Come in, Sarge, come in. I can see Blue Base but there's no one around. There's some kind of light and it looks like somebody's working on somethin'. I'll have a look closer and see if I can find anyone but I don't think that there-

Caboose: Hello.

Simmons: Jesus! Don't do that!

Caboose: Hey Simmons. Uh, were you guys coming to attack me? Uh, because I'm kinda busy right now. Do you think you could attack me later maybe like uh, like next week?

Simmons: We're not attacking you, I'm just coming over to spy on you.

Caboose: Oh, awesome.

Simmons: And figure out how you got your power turned on.

Caboose: Oh, you mean the invisible magic, yeah. Uh, you know it was already on when I got here. Very convenient.

Simmons: And I'm also trying to figure out what you're doing.

Caboose: Doing? Nothing. There's no reason to do anything. Why would I be doing something? I wouldn't, that's why. So I'm not.

Simmons: If you're not doing anything then why are you too busy?

Caboose: What?

Simmons: You just said we couldn't attack you right now because you were too busy.

Caboose: ...I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

Simmons: Why? You are doing something, aren't you?

Caboose: Ah- Simmons, stop being nosy. Do you want to lose all your spying privileges?

Cut to Sarge yelling up at Grif, who's climbing the tower on top of Red Base

Sarge: Come on, Grif! Hurry it up!

Grif: Hey, don't rush me! This is high! Shouldn't I have on safety gear or something?

Sarge: You have armor, numb nuts! That's like having a helmet for your whole body. So stop complaining.

Grif: No, I mean, shouldn't there be like a safety rope, or at least some railings?

Sarge: Grif, use yer head! If we had a rope tied up there already, you could just climb up the rope! Stop askin' dumb questions.

Simmons returns

Simmons: Hey, Sarge.

Sarge: Simmons, what did you find out?

Simmons: Well, I know their base isn't running on brain power.

Sarge: Excellent, that means Grif can still be used as fuel once we get the generators turned on.

Simmons: Caboose has no idea how their power works. He said it was already on when he got there.

Sarge: Huh, favoritism. Command always did like them best.

Simmons: He said he'd run us an extension cord if we could find one long enough.

Sarge: No way, not falling for that.

Simmons: Ha, I had a feeling you wouldn't.

Sarge: He'd choose just the right moment to cut us off from a valuable resource!

Simmons: A resource we don't even have access to to begin with!

Sarge: That's exactly right. He wants to soften us up, and then yank the carpet out from under our feet! No way. Besides, Grif's on his way to figuring out this problem as we speak. Heh heh.

Simmons: Where is he, anyway?

Sarge: Up there.

Simmons: Wh-what? What's he doing up there?

Grif: Help me Simmooons!

Sarge: I think that blue bolt has something to do with the power and ours isn't working.

Grif: Jesus Chrihihihist!

Simmons: So why didn't you climb up there?

Sarge: Me? Afraid of heights. I mean allergic.

Grif: Everyone's afraid of heights!

Simmons: You have a fear of heights? Didn't you used to jump out of ships in high orbit during the war?

Sarge: And how do you think I developed that fear? That shit was crazy.

Grif: There's a bird up here fucking with me!

Sarge: Quit makin' friends and get up there!

Grif: Shoo, shoo!

Simmons: Sarge, why didn't you just let him use the ladder?

''Hey, turns out there's a ladder right there. Whaddaya know.''

Sarge: Oh right. I guess we didn't see that before he started up. My bad.

Grif: Goddammit!

Swoosh over to someone in blue armor that may be Caboose (but since when is he sneaky?) watching them

Simmons: How could you miss something that big?

Sarge: Well, what can I say, Simmons. I guess you're a bit more observant than the rest of us.

Simmons: No kidding.

The dude in blue creeps away and makes it to a downed ship

Swoosh up to Grif on top of the base's giant spike

Grif: Okay, I made it! I'm at the top!

Sarge: Whaddaya see?

Grif: What!?

Sarge: What do you see?

Grif: What do I see!? I see everything! Because I'm at the top of the fucking world!

Sarge: Can you see the port where to bolt comes out?

Grif: Yeah, it's right here! But I think it's blocked!

Sarge: What?

Grif: It's blocked!

Sarge: What's blocking it?

Grif: It looks like a bunch of pieces of a ship.

Sarge: ... That's disgusting. Who would climb all that way up there just to do that?

Grif: I said shipuh!

Sarge: Oh right.

Simmons: What kind of ship is it?

Grif: How the fuck should I know? It's in a million pieces! What difference does it make?

Simmons: Sorry! I'm just naturally curious.

Grif: I'm gonna spit on you Simmons!

Sarge: What do you think, Simmons?

Simmons: Mm, it's really hard to say without seeing it, but I guess he could try to clear the blockage. I'm a little concerned though. If he clears it and that bolt goes off, it could kill him.

Sarge: That's an excellent thought. And what was the concern you said you had?

Simmons: *sigh* Nothing Sir.

Sarge: Alright then, let's get crackin'. Kill two birds with one stone. But I'd settle for one bird and a Grif. Heh heh.

Bird caw

Grif: I said shoo! You stupid fucking bird!

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