Number One

Number One is the third episode of Red vs. Blue: Season 9.

Project Freelancer

 * Dr. Leonard Church
 * Agent North Dakota
 * Agent South Dakota
 * Number One
 * Pilot "Four Seven Niner"

Red Team

 * Sarge
 * Simmons
 * Donut
 * Chupathingy

Blue Team

 * Epsilon-Church
 * Tucker(Voice only)

Unknown

 * ODST Soldier
 * Several unidentified Soldiers

Synopsis
The episode begins with an unknown voice speaking with Director Church over a situation. Director Church tells him to send in "Number One". As he does so, the scene shifts to where the last episode ended, with North and South surronded. As a soldier orders them to hand over the stolen data file, Freelancer, Number One, attacks soldiers on the catwalk facing South. She takes the turret the announcing soldier is on and fires it at the support beams of the other catwalks, causing them, and the soldiers on them, to fall. North protects South

from the falling catwalks as the Freelancer kills more soldiers with the turret. She jumps down to North and South and the three procede to kill several soldiers. While this is going on two soldiers get into an argument over a rifle despite the abundance of fallen weaponry. South ends this argument by kicking one into the other, causing both to fall off the platform. The announcer gets back on his turret and aims at South. North, seeing this, jumps in the way and takes a few bullets in the chest. Carolina fires a grappling hook at the turret and turns it downwards, causing it to knock down the catwalk it is standing on sending it, and several soldiers to plummet to their deaths. However, the announcer manages to lands safely on a ledge and moves off-screen. As South drags North to an edge to get him out of the battle, she calls for evacuation, stating that they have injured. Carolina comes and drags the two over the edge. A dramatic moment occurs with the soldiers gathering around the edge only for a Pelican to come up with North, South, and Carolina on top of it. Carolina goes down into the Pelican, telling the pilot she's late. Pilot sarcastically remarks "take it out of my tip." As the Pelican flies away, they detonate the entire facility.

The scene shifts back to Blood Gulch, where the Reds continue to fire at the cliff. They begin to devise a plan to sneak up on the Blues, when Church walks up asking to talk. The Reds debate what to do with him and Church realizes they don't know who he is yet. Sarge decides to let him talk but Donut wants to shoot him. They come to a comprimise allowing Donut to shoot Church once while Church gets five minutes to talk. Donut asks Church whether he wants to be shot in the shoulder or in the foot. Church tells him to shoot his foot, unaware that Donut actually intends to shoot him. As Church begins talking, Donut takes aim and fires. The screen goes dark with Church screaming about his foot and Donut saying that his five minutes have started.

Transcript
Counselor: Situation is critical sir. Should we do something?

Director Church: Yes. Send her in.

Counselor: Roger that. Come in Number One, Number One you are green.

Director Church: Activate failsafe.

Counselor: Copy sir. Initiating beta protocol.

Scene shifts to the soldiers surronding North and South.

North: Well, out of the frying pan and into the fire.

South: Eh, figure I could take 50 of 'em. How 'bout you?

North: How about you save your jokes until we get out of this?

South: Where the hell is extraction?!

''Cut to the announcer from the end of the last episode with soldiers standing behind him. They are all aiming at North and South.''

Unknown Enemy Annoucer: Attention assholes, stand down! You're surronded! Give us the data file now! You will be taken into custody! We can do this the easy way or the hard way! There is no escape so give us the damn data file!

''"Number One"/ Agent Carolina, sneaks behind the soldiers, camoflauged in the background. She then attacks the soldiers. She then grabs the turret and shoots a support beam, causing the platform, and the soldiers standing on it, to fall.''

North: Get down!

''North grabs South and shields her with his body. The two then get up and look at Carolina attacking the soldiers.''

North: Son of a bitch.

South: Whats going on?

North: It's her.

South: What's she doing here?

Carolina backflips down to North and South, her colors changing from black to a light blue color, leaving a spinning turret to kill soldiers.

Carolina: Okay, my turn.

''Carolina proceds to kill soldiers on the ground. Cut to a soldier looking for a gun while the chaos insues behind him.''

Unknown soldier #1: Oh my God, oh my God. Huh! Oh YES A RIFLE!

Unknown soldier #2: Uh, hey man.

Unknown Soldier #1: I'm saved!

Unknown Soldier #2: Uh, I hate to bother you but I think that's my rifle you're holding.

Unknown Soldier #1: What the hell are you talking about? Just grab any rifle! Like look, there is seriously a pile of rifles...

Unknown Soldier #2: No, that's my rifle. That's the one I sleep with every night.

Unknown Soldier #1: Are you kidding man 'cause-

''South kicks the two off the platform. As the Freelancers fight, the announcer gets back on his turret and aims it at South.''

North: South look out!

North pushes her out of the way and gets shot several times in the chest and visor.

North: Aaaaahhh!!

South: North! NO!

Carolina fires a grapling hook at the turret.

Unknown Annoncer: What the?

''The turret fires beneath him, sending him and everyone else on his catwalk to their deaths. The scene goes to South helping North walk.''

South: I got you. Move.

She tosses North against the railing and North grunts.

South: Come in command. We have wounded, you need to get us out of here right now!

Carolina: Come on you two. We're leaving.

She tosses herself, North, and South over the edge and they land on the roof of a pelican.

Carolina: Sorry about the mess fellas. Package is secure. Everybody onboard.

Pilot: Somebody call for a ride?

Carolina: You're late.

Pilot: Ah well, you could take it out of my tip.

They fly off in the pelican and the base explodes behind them.

Cut to Blood Gulch, with the rockets hitting the cliff.

Donut: Nice shot. Hit them again Simmons.

Simmons: Roger.

Sarge: Did we hit 'em?

Simmons: I don't know. Hard to tell.

Tucker: Missed bitches!

Simmons: Ah damnit.

Donut: I have a plan. We need to use stealth.

Simmons: Great idea.

Donut: Ok. Let's try this. Sir, you lay down some cover fire. Simmons, the two of us can sneak around their backside and slip on in.

Simmons: Ok. Just saying stealth was enough man. We don't need to expand on good ideas. Especially after other people have already agreed to them.

Sarge: Sounds good sir. I mean wait. I'm the sir. But we should do that. Make it so.

Church: Hey reds. Yo. Hold on a second. Cease fire.

Donut: Who the hell is that?

Sarge: It's one of the blue guys. He's just walkin' up here.

Donut: By himself? That guy is fucked.

Simmons: Totally.

Donut: Hes going to get totally fucked.

Simmons: Ok, see? Right there. You changed the way you said it, again. Could you not do that please?

Church: Hey guys hold up. Can you hear hello?

Church is shot at.

Church: Fuck, what the hell? Cease fire man, it's me!

Donut: Yeah we know it's you, dipshit. Thats why we're shootin'.

Church: I just wanna talk for a second.

Simmons: Yeah, so what does that mean?

Church: You know I just wanna talk to you about... uh... somethi... oh shit. I think I fucked up. I fucked up didn't I? You guys don't know who I am.

Sarge: Maybe we should give him a chance. See what he has to say. He could provide some intel by accident. Or give us the blue perspective. I always wanted to hear that.

Donut: I wanna shoot him.

Simmons: Ok, just to be clear. I understand what you meant by that. I get that you want to shoot him with bullets.

Donut: Red hot bullets.

Simmons: Please, that's enough.

Sarge: Lets hear him out. Then we shoot him.

Donut: How about I just wound him? Then he can still talk and I get to shoot him. Thats a win-win.

Church: Not for me, I get shot.

Simmons: Ok, how about this? Donut gets to shoot you in exchange for you getting to say what you want to say.

Donut: Five minutes of talking for one shot. Where do you want it blue? The shoulder or the foot?

Church: Well, obviously I would pick the foot but I don't want you guys to shoot me.

''Scene goes to Donut aiming and shooting his pistol. Fade to black.''

Church: OW! SON OF A BITCH!

Donut: Ok. Your five minutes have started. Go.

Trivia

 * The two soldiers fighting over the rifle are Ian Hecox and Anthony Padilla from Smosh.
 * When Epsilon is shot in the foot, is a reference to Chapter 2 of the second season of Blood Gulch Chronicles, where Church shoots Caboose.
 * The chapter also refers to a recurring gag in the series, where characters sometimes only have 5 minutes to speak.
 * This episodes original name was Fail-Safe and it was titled that for about 10-20 minutes on RoosterTeeth.com until it was changed to Number One.