My house, from here

My house, from here is the ninth episode of Red vs. Blue: Recreation.

Plot
Sarge and Grif escape the mind field only to crash their jeep into the vehicle of the man who was helping them. It is then revealed that Caboose was blown up by a mine and died. Sarge and Grif hold a moment of silence for the fallen Blue, until he falls from the sky unharmed. Sarge critisizes God's work for not only letting Caboose live, but for not killing Grif as well. The man who was navigating them tells them that they were in a classified digging site, before his partner arrives, who is revealed to be an alien similar to the one that impregnated Tucker. Sarge, Grif, and Caboose are even more shocked to learn that the alien is trying to help them. At Command, Washington is escorted to the commander, the Chairman.

Characters

 * List of characters in Red vs. Blue

Red Team

 * Sarge
 * Simmons
 * Grif
 * Lopez

Blue Team

 * Caboose
 * Tucker (Mentioned only)

Others

 * Washington
 * Chairman

Neutral

 * Unknown Elephant Driver
 * Smith

Transcript
Starts with Grif crashing the jeep into the Elephant.

Sarge: Aw, dammit Grif! Lookit what you did now! You busted up a brand new jeep.

Grif: Me? You were the idiots that started setting off mines.

Sarge: Well, I managed to get out there and not get hit by anything!

Grif: Because you jumped on the roof of the car! That’s cheating.

Sarge: No, it’s called strategy!

Grif: Well, your “strategy” broke the jeep. So don’t go blaming me. And the blue guy’s dead too—how are we gonna explain that?

The intercom announcer, C.T., runs out to see them.

C.T.: What the hell! What were you thinking?

Sarge: We don’t need to explain why he died, Grif. We’re Reds! Killing Blues is our business. And today, business is good.

Grif: But we didn’t kill him! He stepped on a mine and blew up. And he’s the reason that we’re on this stupid mission. So now what?

Sarge: Hm. I see your point. So let us have a moment of silence in honor of the dead Blue guy. Bow your head.

C.T.: Hey, are you listening to me?

Grif: Do you mind? We’re having a moment of silence. Show some respect.

C.T.: What?

A requiem plays in the background.

Sarge: Dear Lord, we thank you for taking another Blue back to Heaven today. Or rather not Heaven, but whatever fiery pit you send the Blue to so they can suffer in eternity. You should’ve taken Grif. …But you didn’t. Again. Not sure why, it would’ve been easy! Those mine things are everywhere! But I guess you know what you’re doing.

''Caboose is heard screaming from above. The camera zooms out enough to catch Caboose falling from the sky and crashing nearby the Elephant. He rises, as if nothing happened.''

Caboose: Wow. Now that was a big explosion.

Grif: Blue guy’s back.

Caboose: (runs around to the Reds) I was really high. Did anyone get a picture?

Sarge: …Well, now you brought him back. And Grif’s still here! I hate to criticize, but you could’ve had him laying on Grif and squash him! That would’ve been easy! Just a note; you can take it or leave it, like I said it’s not really in my place to criticize. (stops bowing head) Okay, the end, amen.

C.T.: …What the fuck is wrong with you people.

Sarge: Whoa. Now who are you?

C.T.: Who am I? Who are you? I’m supposed to be here. You guys are accessing an area on lockdown.

Sarge: Lockdown?

C.T.: This is a restricted dig site, what are you doing here?

Caboose: Oh, uh, we were just looking for, uh…

Sarge: Oh, we’re just passing through on the way to meet up with the rest of our squad.

A Mongoose approaches the group.

C.T.: Oh, great. Stay here. Don’t move. Don’t touch anything. (runs off)

Grif: Why didn’t you ask about Tucker?

Sarge: We don’t know anything about these guys! What if they’re the ones causing trouble for Tucker? We don’t know if we can trust them yet.

Caboose: Oh right! Because normally you guys are the ones who cause trouble for Tucker.

Sarge: Right. That’s our job.

Cuts to Valhalla.

Simmons: Whoa whoa whoa, take it easy. Listen Lopez, I’m not racist. I just didn’t know you were standing there when I said that.

Lopez: How does that make you not racist?

Simmons: I had a lot of mechanical friends while growing up. Seriously, I am not a racist.

Lopez: Whatever.

Simmons: In fact, I’m one-eighth cyborg.

Lopez: Really?

Simmons: Yeah.

Lopez: On your mother’s side?

Simmons: Yeah, you know, from my accident, when Sarge replaced all my organs.

Lopez: Oh, right.

Simmons: See? I’m down with the one-zero-one…zero-zero-one… thing.

Lopez: No one calls it that anymore

Simmons: Look, I’m just saying I’m sorry. Now, can you help me with those explosives? Please?

Lopez: (grunts) I guess…

Simmons: Okay… then we’re cool?

Lopez: ''Yeah. We’re cool.''

Simmons: Oh, that’s a relief. I was getting worried there for a minute. I know how you Mexicans like to hold a grudge!

Silence.

Simmons: I’ll just find another way to blow up the base.

Lopez: Good luck with that.

''Cuts back to Sandtrap. The C.T. from earlier is returning with a purple alien, Smith.''

C.T.: Okay, now, we want the three of you to go-

Grif, Sarge: Whoa! (back down)

Caboose: Uh oh. (backs down)

C.T.: What the…? Oh, right! Sorry, I’m so used to working with aliens now that I forget that some people don’t have any experience.

Sarge: Oh, we’ve got experience with these things. Some of us more than others.

C.T.: You guys fought aliens during a war?

Grif and Sarge look to Caboose, who looks down dejectedly, and then turn their attention back to C.T.

Grif: …Yeah. Something like that. Let’s just say we got a little closer to them than we thought physically possible.

C.T.: Well, don’t worry about ol’ Smith here. He’s really friendly.

Grif: … Yeah, that doesn’t really put us at ease.

''Cuts to the UNSC Maximum Security Detention Facility. Washington is with a guard.''

Guard: All right Washington. The man in charge has agreed to see you. You have five minutes. Do anything aggressive, and I’ll shoot you. Do anything weird, and I’ll shoot you. Do anything I don’t like—

Washington: And you’ll shoot me. I got it. I think I’ve identified the pattern.

Guard: Talk back again, and I’ll shoot you. I don’t know why he’s even seeing you.

Washington: Because I know something he wants to know.

Guard: Well, good for you. You have five minutes.

Washington: Guess I should say thank-you.

Guard: I guess you should get going. Your five minutes already started.

The door opens.

Chairman: My dear Agent Washington. I’m so pleased to meet your acquaintance, do come in. I feel that we have much to discuss.

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