Bon Voyage

Bon Voyage is the seventh episode of Red vs. Blue: Recreation.

Plot
Outside the Red Base, the team of Caboose, Sarge, and Grif prepare to leave for Donut's given coordinates while Grif questions the capabilities of their new jeep. After they leave, Simmons informs Donut and Lopez that he is going to blow up Blue Base. After he is gone for a long while, Donut decides to go check on him. Meanwhile, after stopping at a number of bathroom breaks for Caboose, the team arrives in the desert, only to be told to vacate over an intercom. This follows with a warning that they've driven into a mine field. The scene cuts out and while Caboose and Sarge question whether or not you can own a field, just as an explosion is heard.

Characters

 * List of characters in Red vs. Blue

Red Team

 * Sarge
 * Simmons
 * Grif
 * Donut
 * Lopez

Blue Team

 * Caboose

Neutral

 * Unknown Elephant Driver/Intercom Announcer

Transcript
Donut, Simmons, Sarge, Grif, Lopez, and Caboose are all standing outside the Red Base.

Sarge: Get these water cans cleaned up while we’re gone. How much water do you need to drink, Donut?

Donut: I was in a desert! Don’t judge me.

Grif: Maybe we should learn from that and bring some water ourselves.

Sarge: Nonsense. It’ll just slow us down.

Grif: Slow us down more than dehydration? Or death... by dehydration?

Sarge: I don’t know, smartass. Let’s say we try! I’ll kill ya, and then I’ll dry ya out! Who wants Grif-Jerky?

Caboose: Ah, no thanks, I already had donuts for breakfast.

Grif: …Wait, what?

Sarge: All right, let’s get going. Everybody packed?

Caboose: Yep.

Grif: Where’s your stuff?

Caboose: Oh, I only carry a washcloth and six toothbrushes.

Grif: I’m gonna assume that makes sense to you.

Caboose: Yeah, it does.

Grif: Yeah, I thought so. We’ll just go ahead and leave that one alone.

Sarge: Grif! Why’d you pack so much?

Grif: Me? I only did one duffle.

Sarge: Well, what are all these cases?

Donut: Those are mine!

Sarge: Donut, you’re going with us?

Donut: No. But I wasn’t gonna let you guys have all the packing fun to yourselves! That’s the best part about going on vacation. I mean, beside airport security’s full-cavity search—

Grif: Time to go! (heads towards the jeep)

Sarge: Lopez, I want you to take good care of Simmons and Donut while we’re gone.

Lopez: Me?

Sarge: Feed them every day.

Lopez: ''Do they eat Unleaded? Or Super Unleaded?''

Sarge: Exactly. And don’t forget to let them out in the yard every now and then.

Donut: I love yard-time—

Simmons: Goodbye!

Sarge: If we don’t make it back from the mission, bury me and Grif the smaller part as possible. I don’t want to get any corpse cooties.

Grif: Why do you assume I’ll be dead?

Silence.

Grif: …Never mind.

Sarge runs for the jeep as their signature Tejano folk music starts playing.

Sarge: All aboard! Let’s get this show on the road!

Caboose follows Sarge inside the jeep and takes the turret.

Sarge: Hey, be careful with the new gun. It hasn't passed any real world testing yet.

Simmons: It hasn't passed any fake world testing. It's passed zero tests.

Sarge: Which means the enemy can't possibly know about it. We've got the initiative.

Simmons:[quietly] Yay. We got something. Big dummy.

Sarge: We'll be back as soon as we help the Blue. And then we'll kill him.

Caboose: Guys, I really appreciate this.

Sarge: See you soon! Try not to get into any trouble!

The Warthog drives into the water and vanishes, leaving behind only a trail of bubbles.

Caboose: Are we there yet.

Sarge: No. Grif: Shut up.

Donut: Good luck!

Lopez: Did they just drive into the water?

Simmons runs off

Donut: Hey, where are you goin’?

Simmons: To blow up Blue Base.

Donut: Ohh, I think that’s what Sarge meant by “get into trouble!”

Simmons: (flies off on the man cannon) I don’t give a fuck!

''Cuts to a beach. The Tejano music is playing, but blurred, and it becomes clear as the Warthog emerges from the water.''

Caboose: Can we stop again? I have to pee.

Grif: Again?

Caboose: Well, my suit leaks! And I had to drink a lot on the way here! (runs off towards the trees) A lot.

Grif and Sarge exit the vehicle.

Sarge: Look, Grif! Sand.

Grif: Yeah, we're on a beach.

Sarge: Donut said there was sand. That means we're on the right track.

Caboose returns to the other two.

Grif: Know what else he told us? The coordinates to where we're going.

Sarge: Another clue!

Grif: That's not a clue. There's no mystery. We're driving there.

Sarge: Come on, let's get going, before the trail gets cold.

Caboose: I have to use the bathroom again.

''Cuts to Valhalla. Donut and Lopez are standing atop a hill.''

Donut: Lopez, Simmons has been gone a really long time.

Lopez: I don’t care.

Donut: If Simmons blows up Blue Base, Sarge is gonna be really mad.

Lopez: ''Yes. He is stupid like that.''

Donut: I’m worried about him…

Lopez: ''Yes. Because you are stupid like that.''

Donut: I think I’m gonna go over there and check on him. (runs off)

Lopez: Whatever.

''Cuts to Sandtrap, where the other three are driving. The Warthog flips through the air.''

Sarge: (inhales) Yee-haw! (coughs; the Warthog lands and continues on like normal.) I told you not to take jumps bigger than my yee-haws! It makes me look bad!

Grif: Okay. This looks like it.

Sarge: Be careful, Grif. We don’t want to get spotted.

Intercom: Halt. Do not go any further.

Caboose: I think we’ve been spotted.

Sarge: Watch it, Grif!

Intercom: You are attempting to access a restricted area, and you have entered a mine field.

The Warthog ceases movement.

Grif: A what?

Intercom: A mine field. You idiot.

Caboose: Your field? Who says this is your field—You can’t own a field!

Grif: Caboose, not his field! A mine field!

Sarge: You know, the American culture said the Earth doesn’t belong to us. We belong to it.

Grif: God! Guys, he means explosives!

Caboose, Sarge: Ohhh.

An explosion goes off.

Sarge: Oh!

Quotes

 * "Who wants Grif-Jerkey?" - Sarge


 * "Ah, no thanks, I already had donuts for breakfast." - Caboose

Video
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