Realignment

Realignment is the 5th episode of Red vs. Blue: Season 9.

Blue Team

 * Tucker
 * Caboose
 * Epsilon-Church

Red Team

 * Sarge (mentioned only)
 * Simmons
 * Grif
 * Donut

Project Freelancer

 * Dr. Leonard Church
 * Counselor
 * Agent Carolina
 * Agent South Dakota
 * Agent North Dakota

Plot
The episode begins at the top of Blue Base. We see Church limping back to Blue Base. Caboose is standing at the door and greets Church. Church just gets mad about Caboose and Tucker not helping him while the Reds just shot him in the foot. Caboose says he was just following Church's orders of staying on the cliff so Church asks why he isn't there now. Caboose says the helping is over and Church limps over to get to the top of Blue Base. He is stopped by Tucker who says "Your back already". They start a small fight about that with Church asking what he means by early as it apparently took him half an hour to limp across the canyon. Tucker says he expected Church to be dead so in his mind Church was early. Caboose buts in and Church yells at him causing Caboose to retreat into the base. Church continues to say ow causing Tucker to ask if hes alright and eventually asking if he needs a medic Church knowing the medic would be Doc says no. Caboose comes out of the base and tells everyone he already called Command. He is yelled at by Tucker for using the radio. Caboose says he can use it for command and infomercials. He then starts talking about how he ordered a food dehygrator and that someone from command is coming to help. Church gets excited beliveing it to be Tex gets upset because they aren't supposed to be sending anybody until he dies to which Tucker says they thought he was dead. Chucrh asks if they said who they were sending and Caboose says yes. After a pause Church asks if he remembers who and Caboose says no.

The scene goes to Red Base where Simmons goes looking for Grif who stops him because he just mopped the floor. Simmons says its important and Grif tells him to just wait 5 more minutes. He suggest counting to 3 one-hundred times. Simmons asks why not just cound to 300 and Grif says doing things in 3 is fun. Simmon's says Grif has issues and Grif says he also has a clean floor. Simmons tells Grif Sarge wanted him to relax and Grif seems to not know what the word means or how to relax. Simmons asks where Donut is and Grif says reading that book he reads with drawings and hearts on the cover. Donut comes out saying he isn't crying and Simmons tells him Sarge needs his help building that robot that command sent. Donut says hes not feeling up to it and Simmons surprised Donut has emotions tells him to come out when hes ready. Donut runs back into his room tracking mud on the floor. Simmons looks at Grif expecting him to freak out but Grif simply says "Meh why should I give a fuck. I'm on break." Simmons says he hates when things change.

The scene goes to the Mother of Invention flying away from Earth. The scene goes to the control room where the Director is telling South, North, and Carolina about the data chip. He reveals it contained coordinates to a major target for Project Freelancer. He changes the board putting North in 4th and South in 5th place. South angrily takes off her helmet and tells the Director she thought the mission was a success. He says part of it was. But part of it was stealth which South ruined. He dismisses them while saying their next mission will be harder because of South. South walks away angrily and punches a door control breaking it but opening the door. Carolina asks if she should go talk to her to which North says maybe they should give her a minute.

Transcript
Camera pans to show Epsilon-Church limping his way to Blue Base with Caboose standing at the entrance

Church: Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Caboose: Church, you're home! Welcome back.

Church: Yeah, yeah, thanks for helping me while the Red's just shoot me in the goddamn foot.

Caboose: Yeah, well you told us to stay on the cliff and I did...Yeah that was helping.

Church: Oh really? Then why aren't you on the cliff right now?

Caboose: Oh I thought the helping part was over.

Church: Ow, ow, ow, assholes, ow.

Tucker emerges at the top of the base

Tucker: You're back already?

Church: What do you mean already? It took me half an hour to limp across this goddamn canyon.

Tucker: Yeah, but we thought they were going to kill you, I expected you back never so in my mind you're early.

Church: Shut up.

Caboose: He is right about the two different times.

Church: You shut up too.

Caboose: "Alright, now the helping part is definitely over!" (Walks into the base)

Church: Damn it. This is exactly what I get for trying to fix things.

Tucker: What are you fixing?

Church: Everything. Us. The Reds. Trying to make things the way they're supposed to be. (groans sharply) My foot!

Tucker: Are you okay?

Church: Am I okay? Do I look okay? Do I sound okay?

Tucker: I don't know you're wearing full body armor and bleeding. That means you're either dying or just whining.

Church: Well I'm hurt alright.

Tucker: Do you want me to call Command? Have them send a medic?

Church: No! No medic, I'm not hurt that bad, besides those guys are just...bad luck.

Caboose: (Walks out of Blue Base) I already called Command.

Church: You did?

Tucker: Caboose you're not allowed to use the radio.

Caboose: Right. Unless it is an emergency. And then I can use it to call Command. And also 800 numbers I see on TV. Because those are free to call.

Church: 800 numbers?

Tucker: Damn it Caboose what did you order this time?

Caboose: Nothing.

Tucker: Caboose.

Caboose: I promise you will not see anything show up here that I ordered, nothing at all. For at least six to eight weeks.

Tucker: Damn it.

Church: What the hell is he talking about?

Caboose: Well, you sound upset, you probably want some beef jerky. It'll be ready in six to eight weeks.

Tucker: You ordered a food dehydrator didn't you?

Caboose: Oh, you won't be so mad when we are storing twice as much ammo as we normally can.

Tucker: For the billionth time Caboose you can't dehydrate bullets.

Church: You actually order all those stupid gadgets that you see on TV?

Caboose: Maybe, sometimes, and that special forces person also.

Tucker: You idiot.

Church: Wait what did you just say?

Caboose: Oh, yes, yes they are sending someone to help us.

Church: Command is?

Caboose: Yes unless that's bad in which case I don't know what you are talking about.

Church: What? They aren't supposed to send anybody until after I die.

Tucker: We thought you were dead dude, you walked into Red Base.

Church: Caboose, did they say who they were sending?

Caboose: Uh, yes, they definitely did.

Short pause

Church: Okay, do you remember who they--

Caboose: --No.

Church: God damn it.

Cut to Red Base

Simmons: Hey Grif, Grif.

Grif: Stop right there Simmons.

Simmons: What, is it danger, the Blues?

Grif: No, you are not walking across my floor with those boots, I just mopped it.

Simmons: Grif, there's no time for this.

Grif: Time for what Simmons, a job well done? There's always time for that, I believe you know my motto.

Simmons: You don't have a motto.

Grif: That's right because there's always something more productive that I could be doing. Who has time to sit around and make up mottos when they could be buffing the floor.

Simmons: Well, I need to get through.

Grif: Sorry you're just going to have to wait five more minutes. It's not that long. Just do what I do, count to three. one hundred times.

Simmons: Why wouldn't I just count to three hundred?

Grif: Because doing things three times is fun, turning off light switches, locking the door, turning off light switches.

Simmons: You said turning off light switches twice.

Grif: You're right. I should probably say it a third time just to make sure no one I love dies, turning off light switches, there that feels better.

Simmons: Dude, you have issues.

Grif: I also have a clean floor which you can't walk on.

Simmons: But I need to get--

Grif: --Simmons, you know the rules and what happens when we abandon the rules? Everybody gets germs and dies.

Simmons: Oh, silly me. I forgot the reason I came in here. Sarge wants you to take a break Grif. You're on break right now.

Grif: A break. Um, I'm not familiar with the concept.

Simmons: Just stop working, relax.

Grif: Relax, hm yea right, and how exactly would I go about doing that, is there like a manual I could read or something?

Simmons: Just stop cleaning. Do nothing. What happened to Donut?

Grif: He's in reading that book he always reads.

Simmons: What book?

Grif: Don't know, I don't ask and he doesn't tell. Its got flowers on it.

Simmons: Flowers?

Grif: And drawings of things like hearts, he likes to read it and cry.

Donut: (walks in) I'm not crying.

Simmons: Sarge needs your help Donut. We're building a robot using that robot building kit command sent us.

Donut: I'm not really feeling up to it today.

Simmons: That blue guy have you depressed? You're bothered by what he said aren't you?

Donut: Maybe.

Simmons: Why did you listen to him? I didn't even know you had feelings Donut.

Donut: Well I do, okay.

Simmons: Whatever come help us if you want, up to you.

Donut: Okay, I'll be out in a minute. I wanna get my head together. I need to clean my weapon. Maybe light a few candles.

Simmons: Uh, candles really not the best light source for field stripping a pistol.

Donut: Un, not everything is about function Simmons.

Simmons: What did I say!

Grif: Uh, what? Sorry I wasn't listening, I was kinda doing nothing.

Simmons: Looks like Donut got tracks all over your shiny floor Grif.

Grif: Oh well, I'm on break anyway right? Why should I give a fuck?" (Small tremor happens) "Whoa, that felt really really good to say that.

Simmons: What is wrong with everyone. Man, I hate when things change.

As Simmons's last words echo, the scene cuts to the UNSC Mother of Invention flying through space as the camera pans into the Control Room

Director: The data you recovered has pinpointed the location of a very important target for Project Freelancer. Excellent work.

South, North, and Carolina: Thank you, sir!

Director: Counselor, please update the board.

The Counselor uses his handheld pad to move North up to #4 on the board and South down to #5

Director: That is all. Dismissed.

South looks to her sides and rips off her helmet

South: I thought you said the mission was a success, Sir?

Director: One of the mission objectives was stealth. Your carelessness revealed our intention and made our next mission more difficult. They'll be ready for us. Dismissed.

South angrily walks to the door

Carolina: (To North) Think I should talk to her?

South punches the door control panel, causing it to break and fall off the wall after walking out of the room

North: Maybe we give her a minute.

Trivia

 * The name of the episode is likely a reference to the Reds beginning to have their real world personalities restored and the board being updated with North moving up to 4th place and South moving down to 5th place.
 * It appears Red Team is going back to how they are supposed to be as Grif begins to relax and not care, Donut begins to show emotions, and Sarge begins to give orders.
 * When Tucker asks Church if he needs a medic Church realizing Command would send Doc says hes not that hurt and that those guys just seem to be bad luck anyway.
 * When Grif and Simmons are talking about Donut's diary Grif says "I don't ask and he doesn't tell." This is a reference to the Don't Ask Don't Tell rule in the military.
 * This episode also marks the third time where another character has taken off her helmet, South Dakota showing her face that has white blonde hair.
 * At the moment South Dakota removes her helmet to argue with the Director, it is seen that she is holding it in her right hand, but as she leaves the room in anger and punches the door controls the helmet has now been switched to her left.