Watch the Flank

Watch the Flank is the fifteenth episode of Recreation.

Plot
At Valhalla, Lopez and Simmons fortify Red Base against The Meta, who is outside trying to activate his cloaking enhancement with some difficulties. Lopez picks up movement on his motion tracker, and the two ready their weapons. The figure on the motion tracker is revealed to be Donut, who mistook the Meta shooting at Simmons in Chapter 13 for an in-joke and thought it rude that Simmons didn't introduce him to his "friend" (the Meta). At Sandtrap, Caboose tries to help Church, who is revealed to be Epsilon, remember the other three. After becoming acquainted with them, Epsilon declares himself the leader and plans to stop C.T. and the others from getting the weapon, but drifts off uncontrollably down the pathway.

Characters

 * List of characters in Red vs. Blue

Red Team

 * Sarge
 * Grif
 * Simmons
 * Lopez
 * Donut

Blue Team

 * Church
 * Caboose
 * Tucker

Others

 * The Meta
 * Epsilon

Transcript
''The screen fades to inside Red Base at Valhalla. Lopez is speaking Spanish while Simmons is barricading the entrances with crates.''

Simmons: Keep watching your motion tracker. These guys can turn invisible.

Lopez: Is that where he went?

''Screen jumps to the Meta outside Red Base, with his cloaking ability malfunctioning. He then growls, then the camera returns to inside Red Base.''

Simmons: Whoa! Did you hear that?

Lopez: I have something on my motion tracker.

Simmons: [frightened] Yeah, it was loud.

Lopez: ''No, you idiot! Over there!''

''Lopez and Simmons ready their weapons for the Meta on the entrance in front of them, looking at each other and reloading at the same time. Instead, Donut comes around the corner''.

Donut: Hey guys. 'Sup?

Simmons: Donut?

Lopez: Didn't you say this guy could change color?

Donut: I just finished cleaning up Blue Base. What's going on over here?

Lopez: I think we should shoot him just to be safe.

Simmons: Donut, that guy attacked me! I ran out of the base screaming. Why didn't you help me?

Donut: You guys seemed like you knew each other. I thought you were just catching up.

Simmons: He was firing grenades at me!

Donut: Yeah, so, I thought that was an inside joke between the two of you.

Simmons: What!? What kind of joke would that be?

Donut: Well, how do I know? I've been gone a long time, Simmons.

Simmons: What!?

Donut: In fact, it was clear that I didn't know the guy, so shame on you for not introducing us. And quite frankly, I found the whole thing a bit rude!

Simmons: ... WHAAAAAAAT!?

Donut: Rude.

Lopez: ''Seriously, we could just bury him out back. We wouldn't even have to tell anybody.''

Screen shifts to Sandtrap inside the temple, where Tucker, Grif and Sarge are looking at Epsilon-Church (inside the monitor body) beside Caboose.

Tucker: Church? Your telling me that thing is Church.

Caboose: Well, not exactly. See, um, technically, uh, this thing is, uh, just a memory of Church. Um, his name is Epsilon.

Tucker: Epsa-whatsawhat?

Epsilon-Church: Me, dipshit!

Caboose: Uh, yeah, see, he's a resident memory of the guy that Church was based on, so he's kind of like, remembering himself. Yeah, Simmons can explain, yeah, much better than I can, probably.

Grif: Sounds like I have another reason to be glad Simmons isn't here.

Epsilon-Church: Wait, I thought he was Simmons? (looks at Sarge)

Caboose: He's Sarge. Sa-a-aarggee-e.

Epsilon-Church: I'm confused, not deaf, you idiot! Now who's the yellow one? (looks at Grif)

Grif: I'm not yellow, I'm orange!

Epsilon-Church: Yeah, then how'd you know who I was talking about?

Tucker: How come he remembers us, but not who we are?

Grif: Why does everyone think I'm yellow!? Seriously!? Didn't anybody have a box of crayons when they were a kid?

Caboose: Oh, it will come back to him. See, I've been telling him stories, about all of us. (Screen jumps to Tucker for a few seconds then back to Caboose) Well, most of us.

Sarge: Is that what you've been trying to do all this time? Rebuild your buddy?

Caboose: Yes... no... maybe... which will make you less mad?

Tucker: So the only stuff he knows about us is what you told him? That's scary on a lot of levels, dude.

Epsilon-Church: Why?

Tucker: Oh, why? Okay, quick quiz. Who am I?

Epsilon-Church: You're, Captain Flowers right? Your dead. (turns to Caboose) I've been meaning to ask you about that part. Is he like a zombie?

Tucker: Uh-huh, and who is he? (flashes to Grif then to Epsilon-Church)

Epsilon-Church: He's Grif, which is spelled with two "f's".

Grif: Goddammit! Okay, now that's another thing!

Epsilon-Church: Caboose was very specific about that second "f".

Tucker: Yeah, and what about the red guy?

Epsilon-Church: Well, if he's not Simmons, then I guess he's Sarge. (flashes to Sarge then back to Epsilon-Church) That would make him the gruf and regimented leader of the Red Team.

Sarge: ... That actually seems pretty-

Tucker: Just, give him one more second.

Epsilon-Church: Which would make him also the captain of their pirate ship.

Tucker: There it is.

Caboose: I am a good story teller.

Tucker: How are you gonna tell stories? You can't even read stories.

Caboose: I can read!

Tucker: Caboose is the only guy I know of who had an illustrated field manual. He's a moron.

Caboose: Well, it helps when the stories have pictures. Duh!

Tucker: For the first two months I worked with him, he thought you held grenades over your head, while they shot arrows at the enemy.

Caboose: That diagram could have been a lot more specific.

Sarge: Heh, you're lucky. As a recruit, Grif didn't even know what a grenade was! I called it a pineapple, and he tried to swallow it.

Grif: Yeah, well it still tasted better than those MRE's you serve us.

Sarge: Grif! Show some respect! Do you know how many men died to develop those meals?

Grif: I can tell you exactly how many: everybody who ever tasted one!

Tucker: At least he doesn't kill everyone who suits up for your team.

Caboose: Oh, yeah, I don't think I really did that.

Tucker: Then who did?

Caboose: Okay, stick with me on this, right. What if Church travelled back in time using Wyoming's special ability power-

Tucker: Aw, shut up, that's fucking retarded.

Grif: Argh, you guys are idiots!

Caboose: What!? What about you guys?

Sarge: Who's the real idiot? The idiot, or the idiot who fights it?

Tucker: What, dude? In either scenario, you're still an idiot.

Sarge: Huh, I would expect you to say something like that.

Grif: Wait, I think he's right.

Sarge: Shut up, Grif! I always thought your armor was yellow too! Matches your personallity.

Caboose: Hey! You shouldn't be mean to people who work for you! He just wants to be your friend!

Tucker: No one tries to do that but you!

Sarge, Grif and Tucker start arguing and swearing at each other (Including this exchange:

Grif: You had sex with a rock!

Tucker: Your sister's name is A Rock?)

then Epsilon-Church talks.

Epsilon-Church: Everybody stop!

Caboose speaks jibberish then everybody stops arguing

Epsilon-Church: All right, listen guys. I might not remember everything right now, but it will come back to me, okay? I can feel it. But I do know this: if we don't work together, and destroy this weapon, those guys outside are gonna kill a lot of people, and we can't let that happen. So just for a moment, lets set aside our differences and get to work solving this problem, together.

At this point, Epsilon-Church is floating away, unaware of it, while the others watch

Epsilon-Church: Being in charge is a tough task, but I'm a born leader. So if you follow me, I know I can get us through this. Are you with me?

Grif: Where are you going?

Epsilon-Church: Uh, yeah', I don't seem to have full control over my body yet. But that doesn't invalidate anything I said! I'm still the leader! Fuck! (Epsilon-Church floats out of sight) Okay, I'll be right back! No one else takes the leader position while I'm gone!

Caboose: Okay, bye!

Sarge: Yeah, see ya later, Winston Churchill!

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