Check out the Treads on That Tank

Check Out the Treads on That Tank is the seventh episode of The Blood Gulch Chronicles.

Synopsis
While Church and Tucker lament their current situation, the Rookie hops into the tank. The tank's artificial intelligence (AI) introduces itself as Sheila, and runs him through the tutorial mode. In an attempt to sneak up on the Blues, Grif and Simmons leave the Warthog and unsuccessfully try to go around the rock. Seeing that the Reds have abandoned their vehicle, Church and Tucker decide to grab it. The tank drives up behind the Reds and takes aim at Grif. This episode begins with a "last week on Red vs Blue" and followed by a "next time on Red vs. Blue" feature, which states "someone will die." It should be noted that this is the only episode in the series to do this.

Transcript
Narrator: Last week, on Red Vs. Blue

Church backs in to frame from the left

Church: Uh, hey dude, we didn't have a video last week. We were at E3, remember?

Narrator: I mean, week before last...

The Rookie is looking through the sniper rifle at Simmons in the back of the Warthog, firing at Church and Tucker

Rookie: Oh my God that jeep has a really big gun.

The Rookie puts down the sniper rifle

Rookie: Stay here... Tank... Stay here... Tank... Ah, screw it. (runs off to the tank)

Title Screen 

Church and Tucker behind a rock, bullets hitting the canyon wall behind them

Church: My God, doesn't that thing ever run out of bullets?

Tucker: You know, in hindsight, we should have brought the tank.

Church: Hey, Tucker, what good is a tank gonna do us if nobody here knows how to drive it?

Tucker: Yeah, I can see how hiding behind a rock is a much better strategy.

Church: Well, yeah, but... oh man, I guess I gotta give that one to ya.

''Cut to the Rookie hopping in the tank. Tank canopy closes, tank turns on ''

Tank: Hello, and thank you for activating the M808V Main Battle Tank. You may call me Sheila.

Rookie: Hello. Sheila. Big tank lady.

Sheila: Would you like me to run the tutorial program?

Rookie: Oh, that'd be very nice. Thank you.

Sheila: Tutorial program activated. This program is intended to instruct non-certified personnel in the use of the Scorpion class tank. Let's begin with some driving.

Rookie: Okay.

Cut to Simmons firing the jeep's gun, and Grif on the ground behind him 

Grif: Simmons. SIMMONS!

Simmons stops firing, and steps down

Grif: Man, that thing is loud.

Simmons: WHAT?

Sheila rolls by in the background 

Grif: Come on, let's sneak around the back of the rock and get 'em out.

Simmons: OKAY.

Grif: Keep it down! Jesus. Let's go, before they figure out what's going on.

Cut to the Rookie having Sheila stranded on a tall rock, turning, trying to get off of it 

Sheila: Now that you've mastered driving the M808Z, let's move on to some of the safety features.

Rookie: No, no, wait, go back! Why are there six pedals if there are only four directions?

Cut to Church peeking out from the side of the rock, Tucker standing behind it 

Church: (whispering) Psst, hey, they stopped firing.

Tucker: Why are you whispering?

Church: (whispering) Uhm... I don't know.

Cut to Simmons and Grif standing at the foot of a cliff 

Grif: Aw, crap, I don't think we're gonna be able to get around this way.

Simmons: Tell me again, uh, why did we get out of the jeep?

Sheila the Tank rolls up right behind them 

Grif: Well, I guess it was this or sit there and watch you shoot rocks all day long. Tank's turret looks at Grif, then at Simmons 

Simmons: Well at least that was fun.

Grif and Simmons both turn at once to see the tank

Grif: Holy crap. What in God's name is that thing?

Cut to Church and Tucker, looking at the vacant jeep

Church: Tucker, don't be stupid. They're just trying to draw us out.

Tucker: No they're not, look: they left the jeep. They're gone.

Church: Well, I don't know about this. It seems pretty fishy, but... alright screw it, let's go get it.

Cut to the view from inside the tank, turret slowly homing in on Grif's head

Grif: Dude hold still. I don't think it sees us.

Tank gets tone on Grif's head

Narrator: Coming up, on Red Vs. Blue. You've watched them for seven episodes. But next week, the unthinkable! Someone. Will. Die!

Sarge: ... I sure hope it's Grif.